


The Ferris Wheel

by kendra189



Series: Love, Simon - Simon's Bravery Series [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, POV Bram Greenfeld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:02:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendra189/pseuds/kendra189
Summary: The day of the Carnival arrives and Bram is determined to not let Simon down. He shows up, they kiss and they talk all evening as they officially go from Blue & Jacques to Bram & Simon.Garrett, Leah, Abby, Nick and Martin all make small appearances in the story as well.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Series: Love, Simon - Simon's Bravery Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024117
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	The Ferris Wheel

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second story in my little series. 
> 
> Each story can be read on its own.
> 
> Movie-Canon compliant

I walk into the carnival feeling a weird combination of excitement and terror. This is the night that everything changes, one way or another. This could all go so right, but it could easily go just _so wrong_.

I’m flanked by Garrett, who hasn’t left my side since he picked me up hours ago to go see Cabaret first. Simon was amazing in it, of course. He made so many self-deprecating jokes over the last few months about being a ‘talentless hack’ with no lines, but he wasn’t. He was mesmerizing every second he was on stage. I’m not sure I noticed anyone else, I barely remember what the play was about, I just kept my eyes laser focused on Simon the entire time.

Simon. On Stage. With the _eyeliner_.

God. The eyeliner. I wish I had a picture of Simon with that eyeliner on. But, then again, it’s burned in my brain and I know it is going to feature heavily in my dreams tonight.

We finally cross the fairway and approach the Ferris wheel. I notice the crowd right away and instantly feel sick to my stomach.

Garrett wraps his hand around my arm and doesn’t let me fall out of step, “ _Come_ on! Let’s go!”

We walk up to Nick, Leah and Abby who have been watching Simon on the Ferris Wheel.

“Hey Guys! Took you long enough!” greets Nick.

Garrett jumps in to save me, as always. “We would have come straight here, but _someone_ had to stop by their house first.” and dramatically gestures at me.

I don’t tell them it was to change my outfit again. Three times.

I do tell them: “And then we hit some traffic.” Because I’m acutely aware of how slow the drive was to get here. It was like fate taunting me and I would never have forgiven myself if I had missed this because I couldn’t just live with the button-down I initially picked.

Simon won’t care what I’m wearing. I know that. But I care. I wanted to … _try_.

But thankfully Simon is still here. On the Ferris wheel. I look up at him, and I’m surprised by his expression. He’s not looking down at us. He’s not surveying the audience looking to see if someone is approaching him. He’s looking at nothing and almost smiling to himself. He looks weirdly serene. And resolute. I thought he would look worried, but I’m so happy to be wrong. Of course, he looks content. He’s living his truth.

I adore him.

“Woooo! We love you, Simon!” someone yells and I’m reminded of the giant crowd that has gathered to watch our moment.

But I won’t be deterred. I’m here for Simon, and I won’t let him down.

But when do I do this? Do I go approach the ride and wait for him? Do I wait for the operator to stop the ride and then walk up? If I go now while it’s still operating, that means I have to stand there and _wait_. In front of _everyone_. I can’t do that. That would be way too awkward.

No. I’ll wait for the ride to stop and then I’ll go up. It’ll probably stop at least once more before Simon’s tickets run out. It must, the ride ticket operator obviously can tell that Simon is waiting for someone, right?

I look at Garrett who is side-eyeing me, expectantly.

“How long has he been up there?” I ask.

Leah responds right away, “Almost thirty minutes now.”

 _Shit_. That's a long time. I’m impatient for the ride to stop already. I’m ready. I’m ready to join him. I just need my opening.

After another few spins, the ride slows down and Simon’s seat comes up to the loading plate.

 _Finally_.

I take a deep breath, ready to start moving forward when the attendant says, “Ok. That was your last ride ticket, buddy.”

My heart sinks with shame. I can’t believe I’m too late. I can’t believe I let this happen. I can't believe I let him down and I'm right here. 

The attendant signals with his head that it’s time for Simon to get off the ride.

Simon’s face turns sad but resigned to the disappointment. I can’t handle that expression from him. I won’t let him think I didn’t show. I’m about to sprint up to the platform when I hear someone yell, “Wait!”

And suddenly Martin _Fucking_ Addison has run up and joined Simon on the platform.

“Simon, it’s me. I’m Blue. I love you.”

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt such confusion and blind fury all at the same time. I can’t believe that Martin would do something like this. To me. To Simon. If this is some trick to hurt Simon again, I will report Martin to the authorities for this continued hate crime. I swear to God, I’ll do it.

But then the panic sets back in again. Simon can’t…. _believe_ ….this, can he??

But no. Simon just looked at Martin stone-eyed and says “No, you’re not.”

Martin is such a little turd. I listen to him say some pitying remarks to Simon. Does he think he’s helping?? I’m trying to control my anger as I hear Martin buy Simon one last ride. I’ll bet he thinks that absolves him of his guilt for outing him.

Martin leaves. The ride operator, my new hero, calls to the crowd, clearly trying to help.

Ok. It’s now or never. I just have to take that first step and _run_.

I’m on the platform in a second. Simon’s eyes dart to me instantly. His face is so mesmerizing. I can tell by the surprise on his face that he really thought it was over. That I wasn’t coming. I vow instantly to make that up to him.

I think about introducing myself. As Blue. But instead, I just say “Can I sit there?”

“I was kind of waiting for somebody…” He says. But I can tell he’s already putting it together.

I want to cry I’m so happy finally be joining him, “Yeah, I know.” is all I manage to say.

I don’t wait for him to reply, I just sit down next to him.

He looks at me, like he doesn’t quite believe it. “It’s _you_.”

I just smile back at him so elated to be coming clean. “It’s me.” I confirm.

“But… that night at the party…” He asks, confused.

 _Of course_. _That time you walked in on me kissing a girl._ That night I’ve deeply regretted and cringed about at least once a day for the last three months.

“Yeah. I was _drunk_. And confused. And, it ended like, a minute after you saw us.” I hope that explanation will be enough.

“…. And you’re Jewish…”

I just smile at him, I love seeing him, in real time, running through all our emails in his mind and starting to connect the dots. “Yeah.” I say, and smile.

“.. which is _cool_.” He says. I have to laugh. Only Simon.

“And I’m black too!” I say.

But now it’s time to get real. Time to be _really_ , fully and completely me. “And gay.” I say triumphantly. “Kinda crazy, huh?”

“I didn’t think you’d come.” He says right away.

“Me neither. Until I was walking towards you, I… didn’t think I had it in me.” I say. And he just smiles. But he smiles strangely and it makes me nervous again. Oh God. Is he upset that it’s me? Was I right? Did he want Cal?

The ride starts up and we’re climbing round the bend to the top of the ride. Simon is looking serenely forward. Not down at the crowd. Not at me. Just .. forward.

“Are you disappointed that it’s me?” I ask. I _have_ to know.

“No.” He says, so softly. So sweetly that it instantly removes all my fears. I feel so fluttery all of a sudden, I think I might die.

And then in the very next second I feel more alive than ever as he leans in and brushes his lips against mine. And it’s … glorious. 

Before I know it, he comes in again for a firmer, more intense kiss. I can faintly register the crowd below, but it’s so quiet compared to the intensity of the pressure of Simon’s lips on mine and the feeling of Simon’s hand on my neck. All I can do is bring my fingers up to rest on his.

I can’t believe I’m kissing Simon Spier. This is worth _everything_. Every second of stress, every moment of fear, every moment second-guessing myself, second-guessing Simon’s feelings, and every worry I ever had that Simon wouldn’t want me.

He pulls away slowly and just looks at me and smiles. We’re both drawn to the suddenly much louder crowd below. I look down and see our friends smiling and cheering us on as well as dozens of kids from our school. I feel so light and happy and.. almost giddy. A sense of euphoria that’s making my brain feel like mush. All I can think about is Simon and the elation of knowing that Simon Spier wants me too.

I look back over at him, and he leans in again, with the same determination. I will never get tired of the feeling of his pillowy lips on mine. This kiss, more than the last two, lights a fire in me that I recognize well from the countless times over the years that Simon has turned my stomach to butterflies. I’m surprised at the confidence and conviction with which he is kissing me. I realize I still have so much to discover about Simon Spier.

“I can’t believe it’s you.” He says, as we make our way back around the back bend of the Ferris wheel.

“You really didn’t know?” I ask

“No, I-“ but we’re interrupted because the attendant is already stopping the ride to let us off.

“That was the turn?” Simon asks the guy and laughs a bit.

The attendant just smiles and replies “I figured you might be done with Ferris wheel portion of the night.” He says and smiles knowingly at me.

I just grin lightly back at him, but say nothing. 

I get up first and turn around and extend my hand to Simon. I instantly regret it. Is it too soon? Is it .. emasculating? But Simon doesn’t hesitate and takes my hand and gets off the ride too.

We walk over to our friends and we’re immediately swarmed. Abby throws herself onto Simon and envelops him into a big bear hug. Nick high fives me and Leah just smiles and clutches her phone to her chest. Garrett grins at me, with that knowing look of his.

Abby then throws herself onto me, too. “BRAM!!! You little sneak! All this time, who knew??”

Leah, ever the sage, just chimes in, “Well, judging from his reaction, Garrett obviously knew.” Garrett looks at Leah with a surprised look that’s laced with a hint of admiration.

Abby, still with her arm around my shoulders, says, “Garrett! You knew and didn’t tell us??”

“What. And spoil the surprise?? _Come on_ ,” He says, in his signature Garrett charm.

Nick looks at Simon, “And you, buddy? How are you?”

I look at Simon, expectantly. He grins slowly and then it turns into this enormous bashful smile. “Never better.”

Abby _awwws_. Nick whispers “Oh my God” while grinning and Leah touches both hands to her heart and smiles.

Simon continues “Are you guys cool if, uh..” and he glances over at me, but I’m just staring at him, anxious for every word to come out. “if we ditch you for a bit?”

“Oh my God, of _course!_ ” Leah answers. “Go!”

Simon just turns to me and says, “Wanna go for a walk?”

“Yes.” I answer right away. He smiles, and we fall in step and walk away from the crowd.

I can feel eyes still on us, but I have a sneaking suspicion people are going to leave us be for a bit. And I’m eternally grateful. I just want to be with Simon.

For a moment, neither of us says anything. But the silence isn’t awkward.

“I can’t believe you wrote that post.” I say, almost as a reflex, more to myself than to him. I’m still in awe at his bravery.

Simon turns to me and looks almost surprised. He says nothing.

“Honestly, Simon. I think it might be the bravest thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.”

Simon blushes, and I just want to touch his face.

“Well, I had to try _something_.” He says. “When you, you know, sent me that last email, um, ending things. I just wasn’t sure if you found out it was _me_ and you know, just, um, decided you weren’t attracted to me, or if you were just scared of coming out. I just didn’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t suck it up and tell you the truth about how I felt about you.”

I look at his face. That was hard for him to say, I can tell. I hate that I did that to him. I hate that I cut him off because he was exposed to the world, and I was too scared to help him and too scared to face myself. I hate that I did it knowing my support would have been valuable to him and I did it all while also convincing myself he liked Cal better than me. I’m an idiot.

I stop walking and gently grab his arm and turn him toward me. “Simon.” I say, and he looks at me with a serious expression in his eyes.

He’s worried.

“I’m so sorry about .. that last email I sent to you. I’m so, so sorry. You have no idea how much I regret it.”

He smiles gently at me, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. It suddenly becomes pretty clear to me that my work here isn’t done. He’s put himself on the line and professed his feelings for Blue. And he’s making it clear he wants to be here with me right now. But I think I’m going to have to do more to prove myself to him, and prove that I am 100% his. That he can trust me.

“Honestly, Simon. I regretted it instantly. I tried recovering the email account, but it was impossible. I even tried _calling google_. Do you know how hard that is to do??” I mildly chuckle, because I want this conversation to be less serious.

“The worst part is, Simon, I don’t have our emails anymore. Deleting the account meant the emails are just _gone_.”

“Wait, you deleted your entire account? I thought you just blocked me.” He laughs, but I can tell that thought seriously hurt him.

“No!!! God, no. I deleted the entire account. Impulsively, out of fear. And, again, really, really regret it.”

He smiles back at me. “You don’t have to apologize, Bram. You don’t owe me any kind of explanation.”

“I appreciate your saying that, Si. But I want to apologize anyway. It was a mistake and I’m really sorry.”

Simon just smiles and awkwardly shakes his head “Well, um. Apology accepted – and you don’t have to worry about the emails, I’ve still got them. I’ll give them all to you, whenever you want.”

“Good.” I say. “I want them back.” And I hope he gets my double meaning.

He smiles. A little bigger, but he still seems nervous.

We fall back into step, and Simon says: “Well, I’m glad it isn’t the other option, that you found out who I was and decided you weren’t into me.”

That’s when I decide that I have to come clean. Tell him just how long I’ve known that Jacques and Simon are one and the same. And while I’m at it, I should probably make sure he knows I’m completely in love with him.

“Simon, I have to tell you something.” He turns to me expectantly, but I waffle, because I knew this would be difficult, but I’m suddenly so afraid that he’s going to be angry or hurt…

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure whether I should tell you or not, I’m super worried you’re gonna be upset about this, but I decided it’s way more important that we start this from a place of honesty.” And I gesture between us. I steal a glance at his face, he looks very worried.

“I’ve, um. I’ve sort of known Jacques was you for a while now. Like, from before Martin made his post.”

“You have?? Since when? … and how?” Simon asks me, completely shocked.

“Um. Kind of since your first email?” I say, phrasing it as a question for no reason.

He looks completely blown away, so I backpedal a bit.

“To be clear, I haven’t known _for sure_. But you’ve been my only candidate, basically the whole time. I just sort of connected some dots, and then I doubted myself _constantly_ , wondering if maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see….” I look at his eyes, hoping he gets what I’m trying to tell him.

Simon looks at me after I say that, and I love the look of wonder on his face. I just smile back at him. I can tell he wants to say something, but he’s so nervous, but I surprise myself with how bold and brave I feel. Considering I’ve been making myself sick with stress the last two days, I can’t believe how empowered I’m feeling. He’s smiling ever so gently that I just want to kiss him then and there.

“You… _wanted_ Jacques to be me?” Simon asks. He looks almost incredulous.

I decide to tell him everything. I stop walking again and stand squarely in front of him. “Simon, I’ve had a huge crush on you since freshman year.”

I dare to look up at him. He looks like I just told him the moon was made of swiss cheese.

After what feels like an eternity of him processing, I start to worry again.

“Sorry, Si…..Was that too much?”

“No! Bram, that was….. the best thing I’ve ever heard anyone say to me. _Bram Greenfeld likes me_.” He says that last part almost to himself, like he’s trying to convince himself that it’s true. It _is_ true, and I decide I will convince him if he needs help believing it.

I exhale so loudly that I surprise myself.

“So, I gave you a bunch of clues, huh?” He says.

“Maybe just a few. Also, you kind of write how you talk. But like I said, I second-guessed myself all the time.”

He smiles and I can see a flash of embarrassment cross his face.

“Honestly, Simon. I think at the end of the day, hiding was just, way less important to you than it was to me. So, you didn’t try as hard.”

“Ha! I love that you just found a way to turn my slip ups into a compliment.” Simon laughs.

For some inexplicable reason, I’m feeling vulnerable again – maybe it’s because I just told him that I’ve had a major thing for him for the last three and a half years. And I don’t think he’s ever looked at me like that.

“So, Si… you never… suspected Blue might be me?” I ask. I hate how shaky my voice sounds.

“No, I _did_!! Bram, you were my number one guess for a while” He says, surprising me.

“Really?” I love hearing him say my name.

“Yeah. Definitely.”

“Because I think… I wanted you to know. I even dropped hints here and there, hoping you might notice me.”

He looks right at me when he replies. “Bram, I notice you.”

He then looks forward and continues, “Since we’re doing the sharing thing - I’ll tell you my own little confession.....For, oh man, at least the last, like, two years – anytime I thought about you, I referred to you as ‘Cute Bram Greenfeld’ in my head.” He smiles bashfully to himself.

I can feel my heart swell at that and I let it sink in.

I think about it and realize I could focus on the ‘cute’ part, or the adorable fact that he calls me by my full name. But I instead focus on the important part.

“You _think_ about me?”

He turns to me and looks at me deep in my eyes.

“Yeah.”

He somehow manages to infuse so much conviction into that one word. I think I just fell in love all over again.

It occurs to me that up until this point, Simon has done almost all of the heavy lifting for us to get here. He dealt with the public outing. He made the post. He waited on the Ferris wheel for me. He kissed me first, all three times, so far. I already promised myself that I would work hard to earn him. Right now, I know exactly how to start.

I reach up with my left hand and grab his face and I lean in and kiss him. Right there, in the middle of the carnival. I’m acutely aware of the fact that people are probably watching. Some people may even film it on their phones. I don’t care and I’m proud of the fact that I don’t care.

Simon is only a tiny bit taller than me, which makes it so easy to press my face into his. I wrap my other arm around his shoulders which makes it a little easier to bring our bodies closer together. Simon moves his hands from my sides to around my back and deepens the kiss even further.

Simon breaks the kiss. He pulls away slowly and just looks at me and smiles.

I smile back. I make a point to not move my eyes away from his.

Simon inhales deeply and after a moment, we slowly start walking again.

“So! What hints did you drop?” He asks.

“Well….” I start, and keep walking alongside him.

“Well, I don’t even know if you remember this, it was, like, a month into the semester - but I walked up to you guys outside at lunch and you were eating Oreos. I made a point of mentioning that Halloween ones are my favorite, hoping it would make you start to wonder if I was Blue-”

“It did!!!” He says emphatically, interrupting me. “I do remember that! and it _totally_ did! You shot straight to the top of my list after that!”

I can’t help but laugh a little at his sudden excitement “So, what happened to make you stop looking at me as Blue?”

Simon, suddenly looks a bit uncomfortable. “Um. Y-your party.” He says, matter of factly, and kind of half-nods as if to say he is not going to bring up my kissing a girl again.

I’m right back to feeling so embarrassed about that.

“Right.” I say. “I’m really, so sorry about that. And you can’t imagine how upset I was, Simon. The first time I kiss a girl in like, a year – and of course _you_ , of all people, walk in. I’ve been really upset with myself and regretted that whole thing ever since.”

“Bram, definitely don’t – _apologize_ – to me. You were totally free to make out with whoever you wanted! And as for me walking in, honestly I’m, um, kind of glad that happened.”

“You _are_?”

“Yeah, I mean it kind of sucked at the time, but yeah, now I’m happy about it.” He says and kind of sighs. “Like I said, I was convinced you were Blue, and I was _juuuuust_ drunk enough to do something stupid.”

He continues. “Ok.” He says and runs his hands through his hair, clearly psyching himself up, “Here comes more honesty. I was looking for _you_ when I went upstairs, I was gonna tell you I was Jacques.”

“Really? You were??” He seems embarrassed by this confessional, but I’m once again surprised at his bravery. I knew Jacques was Simon the whole time and I never once thought about coming clean to Simon.

“Yeah. And, in hindsight, I think it would have been too soon. For both of us. So, I’m glad that I walked in on that. Because, I think you’ll agree – we did some of our best emailing after Halloween, anyway.”

“That’s true.” I agree, and I beam.

“So.” I continue. Because I really want to be sure about this before we move too far away from the topic. “You’re really not upset that I knew it was you before you knew it was me?”

“No. Not at all.” He assures me. “Honestly, if anything, Bram…. Your knowing it was me for that long, just, like, reinforces the feeling that tonight isn’t the beginning of …. _us._ You know what I mean?”

I reach out and grab his hand. “This is definitely not the beginning. Far from it.”

Simon and I walk around a bit longer. Leah, Abby and Nick all text Simon that they’re catching a ride with Garrett and Garrett texts me that I’d “better find my own way home”. Our friends are awesome. I’m so thrilled they’re supportive and encouraging.

We leave the carnival and go to the Java Pump for hot ciders before Simon drives me home.

As we pull into my driveway, Simon puts the car in park and turns to look at me.

“Um. Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?-” He asks expectantly.

“-Yes.” I eagerly respond, almost interrupting him. I follow it up with a weirdly enthusiastic nod. I can’t help but laugh at myself right now. I have zero chill about Simon officially asking me out. Real world and fantasy life colliding, and all that.

“Great.” Simon says, sounding relieved. “I've got the last play performance at night, so can we meet for lunch?”

“Let’s start with lunch, and see where the afternoon takes us.” I respond.

Simon seems surprised by that answer. In hindsight, it sort of sounds like I’m coming on to him. I didn’t mean it like that but I’m really ok with him thinking I did.

“Ok! Great. I’ll come pick you up at 11?”

“I’ll be ready.” I respond.

We stare at each other for a minute. We should kiss goodnight, but for some reason we both seem suddenly nervous, even though we’ve already kissed several times. I decide to be brave and I reach over the gear shift and give him a soft peck goodnight.

I look at his face, and he looks so sweet. He doesn’t look disappointed by that chaste kiss I just gave him. He looks really contented. I’m happy because I am too.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and pick up my bag from the floor of the car. I’m about to reach for the door handle, when I’m hit by this overwhelming feeling. As if the gravity of how much my life has changed today just finally sank in.

I’m out. Simon’s out. I know he’s Jacques. He knows I’m Blue. We are officially together. And, I just _know_ that this is already something really, really meaningful.

I take my hand off the car door and let the hugeness of the moment sink in a little further. I make a point of feeling this, because this just feels like an important moment I’m going to want to remember for a long time. I think about telling him that, but I ultimately decide against it. I know it would sound too _cheesy_. I decide to keep that to myself, for now at least.

Instead, I look back at him. He’s looking at me with a mild curiosity about what I’m thinking. Before he gets a chance to say anything, I lean back over the gear shift and kiss him far more intensely than the first kiss goodnight. I infuse my love for Simon, my connection to Jacques and my gratitude to have them be one and the same into that kiss.

“Goodnight, Simon.” I say, and I get out of the car.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone!


End file.
